green with envy.

9:02 p.m., 2006-06-03

asdfjkl;

If I didn't have a very public blog that my friends read, I would probably post this there, since that is where I have been writing everything that pisses me off (and then some - you know, not everything pisses me off). But I CAN'T because my friends all read that so I'm just going to hope that everyone has forgotten about this (since I was silly in college and didn't realize that yes, everything you post on Diaryland and LiveJournal CAN be read by the people you don't want to be reading).

I'm having serious flashbacks to senior year when certain best friends decided to fucking blackball me from my circle of friends, creating unnecessary tension in the domestic realm and the social world. I know that things of that caliber are not happening here, but it's hard for me not to get pissed off when I feel that I'm deliberately left out of things, especially since living in a brand-new city does not come with having as many friends as I had in college. I don't understand why: A. I have to somehow get myself entangled with fake, mean people, and B. I have to take everything so seriously and get so worked up about said fake, mean people and their stupid actions that make me feel left out. I wish I could shrug it off. Eh, I think I'm a girl sometimes.

(Sorry, feminists. I'm actually just a man who, despite what opinion that last sentence offered, would consider himself a feminist and knows that bitchiness isn't a gender thing. It's a human thing. I apologize.)

Anyway, I'm frustrated, I just yelled at my friend on the phone even though she wasn't the one making me feel left out. I feel shitty about it, but at the same time I don't feel shitty about it because I want someone to know that I'm fucking TIRED of feeling like I'm still in high school. I went through this last spring, I don't need a re-run.

So there you have it. My first post in over a year. I hope you're happy, DLanders.

PS. I live in Chicago now.
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